menopause

[solarpsychedelic]

Reading and watching videos on menopause and thinking about my experiences.

I was going gangbusters and energetic through my 40s and felt pretty good until I turned 50. That birthday was a crash out and the following years a shift.

Perimenopause began for me in the mid and late 40s and announced itself with the following symptoms:

• I had insomnia, but I’ve had sleep issues since high school so that didn’t surprise me much.


• In my late 40s, my cycles shortened from their usual 28-30 days to 21 days.


• My hair fell out in clumps while washing it.


• Moments of short term memory loss and brain fog. I counteracted this with puzzles and games.

• I powered through the ups and downs through the all out application of hustle culture. When I turned 50, I learned that rise and grind leads to crash and burn.

Then, by my early 50s, I was tired of menstruating and wishing for menopause, which finally began when I was 54 and became official when I turned 55. And the sheer, intense relief of not having periods anymore overwhelmed any other symptom I had.

Now that I’m happily post-menopausal, I can see what other conditions I deal with, such as muscle stiffness, aching joints, and alas, decreased energy from the crash out. I’m combatting these issues with improved diet and exercise, especially weight training.

As for the energy, well, I’m learning that after a lifetime of frantic rushing around, I will take things now at my own pace. Tired of the rushing around, really, and questioning whether the hurry and worry were worth it (note, probably not).

Two other things I’ve noticed though:

• I now sleep well and what a relief!


• The hot flashes have graduated to being warm all the time and I’m making adjustments. I might even get one of those neck fans.


• Meno has actually improved my skin. I have a few light laugh lines and my pores seem to have shrunk. 


• And related, my hair grew back in and came back to life. Sure, it came back all white but it’s there!


• Which is all nice, because the main symptom I seem to be feeling these is an exhaustion with the world, like I’m tired of seeing the same stupidity appear again and again and I wonder, have we learned anything?

In the end, peri and meno experiences are personal and individualized. I don’t want to minimize the discomfort and suffering of anyone else going through it. I simply want to hold out the idea that we should talk about menopause, that it can be a positive experience and open a new chapter of life.

ETA: looking back, I'd say that peri and early menopause was hardest on me. Once I was fully post-menopausal, I felt like myself again.